Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss


10 thoughts on “Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love

  1. Petra-X Petra-X says:

    This book is the back story to all those little Chinese girls people from the West adopt It s heartbreaking to see that the Chinese government with its policies on land grants and extra food distribution on the birth of a boy child only together with the one child policy have set the scene for the murder of new born baby girls, which is expected and never prosecuted Those who can t bear to do as the euphemism goes their daughters, or pay the midwife to do them, abandon them As the o This book is the back story to all those little Chinese girls people from the West adopt It s heartbreaking to see that the Chinese government with its policies on land grants and extra food distribution on the birth of a boy child only together with the one child policy have set the scene for the murder of new born baby girls, which is expected and never prosecuted Those who can t bear to do as the euphemism goes their daughters, or pay the midwife to do them, abandon them As the orphanages have become an important business resource for the Chinese, selling the little girls to Westerners, there is less need to murder them and that in a very small way is a good but unbelievably sad thing China has to be the most corrupt government in the entire world to sanction the murder of babies Beats even Yemen where they repealed the relatively new law not allowing 9 year girls to be sold married off after I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced came out in favour of a minimum age of 17 The law was repealed because there were big protests saying the law was unIslamic Mohammed married a 9 year old girl and the law now is that it is for the parents father to decide when his daughter should be married Here are some pretty pics of little girls who should be in primary school married to men their father s or grandfather s age last story in the book is a very sad one but gives no hope for the future at all The author makes the aquaintance of an internationally travelling executive high up in the Chinese Adoption Services She and her husband gave up their baby girl because she didn t have time to look after it and keep her executive job and they didn t for some reason want a nanny She was wracked with guilt, as she should be, giving excuses of a better life for the child being adopted abroad, but it was hard to feel any sympathy for her It just seems that girls aren t worth making sacrifices for.The book ends on a very sad and cynical note It is with a document, the law and all its clauses pertaining to adoption in China The lip service given to the protection of girl babies is somehow even worse than acknowledging that it s perfectly fine to murder or abandon these infants If a problem isn t acknowledged then no solution is possible because one just isn t seen as needed, or worse, any suggestions might be punished as they suggest that the law, the State, is imperfect.The single baby system is officially at an end Not because the world is looking aghast at all this state sponsored murder but because there are too many males without women roaming in marauding posses in some areas, kidnapping girls, wives even, in others and in general bringing the kind of social difficulties that young lads often do, but made worse without even the possibility of sex, young love and marriage for many of them The other factor is that China is an ageing population as technology keepsalive for longer, someone has to work to pay for the care of old people, not just the pensions, but the housing and the medical care Henceyoung people to pay taxes are necessary But still, so many thousands of years of desiring boys and of girls being the booby prize, that isn t likely to go any time soon.I read the book in sadness and in anger The war isn t between the races, political systems, the various military battles over land, it is between men and women As long as men make laws that control how women should live their lives and their bodies and where there is an obvious devaluation of women compared to men, then that is the war all good people, men and women, should be standing up to fight We are different from each other but each life is equal and that should be enshrined in every law, rule and religious precept in the entire world, otherwise it is just domination by the strong on those who have been kept weak.This review is all over the place because it wasn t written in any order and the paragraphs were just ported around a bit willy nilly, which is how I feel about the book along with my confusion, sadness, anger and sympathy for the mothers, the babies and the poor fathers who never even considered the special love an adoring daughter has for her Daddy


  2. Larry Bassett Larry Bassett says:

    I have an adopted Chinese daughter We call her Mei Mei which means little sister in Mandarin I think about her birth parents regularly and imagine that they must think about her as well In the orphanage she was called Fu Ping She was born in Aksu, Xinjiang, China but she is pretty much an American child now at the age of nine She came to us from China at the age of 3 underweight, speaking no English, shy, and eating every morsel of food on her plate down to the last grain of rice From her I have an adopted Chinese daughter We call her Mei Mei which means little sister in Mandarin I think about her birth parents regularly and imagine that they must think about her as well In the orphanage she was called Fu Ping She was born in Aksu, Xinjiang, China but she is pretty much an American child now at the age of nine She came to us from China at the age of 3 underweight, speaking no English, shy, and eating every morsel of food on her plate down to the last grain of rice From her immersion in the American culture, she quickly picked up English, becameoutgoing, and learned that there was always going to be a next meal We are still dealing with issues related to her cleft palate but she is doing well She inherited an energetic spirit and an inquiring mind from her birth parents Since she has been a part of our life, I have taken a special interest in books about China I had heard about this book some time ago with the negative comment that Xinran s writing is somewhat melodramatic But you can decide that for yourself Google Books includes the first seventeen pages of the book of the stories in this book are heartbreaking as well as gruesome This is a book with some unhappy endings She looked at the bowl of water the midwife had prepared for her before the birth This was the Killing Trouble water for drowning the girl baby in For a boy, the bowl for washing the baby was called the Watering the Roots bath She knew it was her duty to end her daughter s life by drowning her in the bowl, and this is what she did I wonder how a mother could kill her own daughter I have never heard of the father doing it but sometimes it is the midwife or a person other than the mother In this book you will meet mothers who have done just that, the unbelievable, and then gone on with their lives You will hear their stories in their own words Homicide, of course, is not the only way that this trouble of having girls instead of boys is solved Newborns are abandoned and are placed in orphanages and may eventually be adopted, many internationally including in the U.S However, many never leave orphanages until they reach adulthood More recently once it became possible to determine the sex of a child in utero, those with the economic ability and access to medical procedures mostly women in urban areas make that determination and abort girls This does not happen in rural areas where women have no money and no medical care The one child policy is predominantly enforced in urban areas but there is still a very strong tradition in the countryside of wanting the first living child to be a boy Once a rural woman has a boy, she may well go on to have one oradditional pregnancies with girls being acceptable I am reading another book at the same time I am reading this one The Girls Who Went Away Both of these books are about women who have been separated from their babies right after birth Reading these two books is an emotional experience for me Not only do I have an adopted Chinese daughter but I was a teenager when my first son was born I think any woman who s had a child knows the depth of feeling she has for that child, and can imagine the pain you would go through if you lost that child This is a sentence fromThe Girls Who Went AwayIt is easy to hear these same words coming from a Chinese mother who has abandoned a child The stories of the mothers in both books have much in common I remember during the War in Vietnam the highest ranking U.S military officer, General William Westland said, The Oriental doesn t put the same high price on life as does a Westerner Life is plentiful Life is cheap in the Orient InMessage from an Unknown Chinese Mothera young Chinese woman working in the adoption field in China expresses a similar belief Mother love is supposed to be such a great thing, but so many babies are abandoned and it s their mothers who do it, isn t it They re ignorant They feel differently about emotions from the way you do Where I come from, people talk about smothering a girl baby or just throwing it into the stream on the edge of the village to be eaten by dogs, as if it were a joke Earlier I mentioned that I had heard one criticism from someone in the Chinese adoption world that Xinran s writing is too melodramatic I think that she is very emotionally invested in the topic based on her own life and experience and she explains that in the book Her melodrama belongs in this book because she is appealing to your heart She reached my heart, my heart that understands a bitabout my Chinese daughter I hope she will read this book when she is older.I urge anyone involved with international adoptions from China to read this book and to check out the several other books Xinran has written about Chinese women I give the book a well deserved five stars for its content and style


  3. Jeanette Jeanette says:

    Xinran is that rare, rare non fiction writer that puts you completely into her interview conversations, as if you were standing next to her or sitting beside sucking up the bowl of noodles one at a time, just as she is And listening.Not only with accurate dialog but with each figment of emotional or locational context to that exact interview And in doing so she imbeds you within the cultural and societal diameters of all consequence and onus She is a gifted writer with an incredible backgroun Xinran is that rare, rare non fiction writer that puts you completely into her interview conversations, as if you were standing next to her or sitting beside sucking up the bowl of noodles one at a time, just as she is And listening.Not only with accurate dialog but with each figment of emotional or locational context to that exact interview And in doing so she imbeds you within the cultural and societal diameters of all consequence and onus She is a gifted writer with an incredible background, perfectly fitted to relate this book s report from the place where it occurs.The book itself and the women s stories You read heart wrenching and sob experience reports on GR s all the time For me, this one was the first this year that actually was I had to leave it and return because it was so heavy, too heavy, for me to take it in within a day or two It is not long, nor is it difficult English it is just the factor of that s the way it is which is stomach turning Not that there are lack of such slop buckets on other continents But that little girl making the orchid hand movement in the train station it is just such a terrible and ignorant waste Which also continues to foster such voids of sorrow within Mother s hearts for their lost and destroyed daughters until their own deaths.Coming from a culture that is also patriarchal and undervalues female births, and not only because of the agrarian strengths needed by males Sicilian , some experiences of my early life could parallel Xinran s of not feeling of a piece to her peers or generation in the U.S.A That also touched me, because that is the first time I ve felt that parody outside of immigrants I have meet in Chicago that are my age.The girls who have found adopted parents are far luckier, even in searching and wondering, than their used and forgotten mothers are These biological parental stories Dads too, some of them are worthy to be heard


  4. Zi Zi says:

    Xinran has given myself and all others adopted from China such an incredible gift by writing this book Before reading this book, I had a very different and angry way of viewing my traumatic situation Her heartwrenching stories about the Chinese mothers situation has changed everything for me Each time Xinran told a story about a Chinese mother I would think, this could be MY birth mother She painted a mental portrait in my mind of a woman who brought me into the world, and a woman who, thou Xinran has given myself and all others adopted from China such an incredible gift by writing this book Before reading this book, I had a very different and angry way of viewing my traumatic situation Her heartwrenching stories about the Chinese mothers situation has changed everything for me Each time Xinran told a story about a Chinese mother I would think, this could be MY birth mother She painted a mental portrait in my mind of a woman who brought me into the world, and a woman who, though it shatters my heart to admit, I will never be able to know She gave me such an incredible gift by writing this book, and I will be forever grateful


  5. Helen Helen says:

    I m having a hard time quite knowing how to rate this book, it was a hard book to read in a lot of ways I m a mother of three beautiful China dolls and for that reason I read this book I wanted to be able to understand and be able answer the questions I know will come up some day Although I had some idea why these beautiful girls were and are abandoned, this book gave me a better idea AND coming from Chinese women s perspective helped evenSomeday when my girls are ready and wanting to I m having a hard time quite knowing how to rate this book, it was a hard book to read in a lot of ways I m a mother of three beautiful China dolls and for that reason I read this book I wanted to be able to understand and be able answer the questions I know will come up some day Although I had some idea why these beautiful girls were and are abandoned, this book gave me a better idea AND coming from Chinese women s perspective helped evenSomeday when my girls are ready and wanting to know I ll read this book with them, even if they are older so we can understand and cry together I will always be so grateful for my girls birth mothers for deciding to give them life, they are truly my treasures


  6. Sadie Sadie says:

    This isn t an easy read due to its topic It s a collection of ten different fates, united by the Chinese law and tradition concerning on how to deal with female offspring In a nutshell a fatal combination of China s one child policy, a patriarchal system, aor less non existent sex ed system and old beliefs result in the killing of female babies or, if they re lucky , abandoning then on their own and or giving them away to an orphanage which still isn t a safe fate, since most of the This isn t an easy read due to its topic It s a collection of ten different fates, united by the Chinese law and tradition concerning on how to deal with female offspring In a nutshell a fatal combination of China s one child policy, a patriarchal system, aor less non existent sex ed system and old beliefs result in the killing of female babies or, if they re lucky , abandoning then on their own and or giving them away to an orphanage which still isn t a safe fate, since most of them, at least those described in the book, are barely equipped to accommodate babies The stories mostly center about women who had to give their babies away or murder them due to the reasons mentioned above especially in the very poor, rural areas of China this seems to be common practice, since women are accepted as wife only if they bear a son Or, in some areas, killing aor less worthless baby girl is believed to prevent a natural disaster The book tells the grievings and longing of these mothers, as well as the stories of some of those daughters who survived and where lucky enough to find a new home within a mostly Western family who adopted them The questions of why their mothers gave them away and coming to terms with one s identity is another central question of this book.The topic is gruesome, the fates of these mothers and their babies are haunting, and I can t even begin to understand how such terrible customs can still exist in these days and times Reading this opened my eyes for sure it made me feel helpless and angry It s an emotional read, but it s not over emotional The author s ever so slight distance whether it s because of cultural speaking writing boundaries or the translation gave those stories the realistic shade they needed, yet the emotions of the mothers and daughters shone through well enough All I can say is If you re seriously considering adoption, please read this book


  7. Nick Nick says:

    I m a devoted reader of Xinran s books, beginning with The Good Women of China, which transformed the world view of anyone who read it and who cared at all about the world s biggest country Her writing lays out clearly the realities of modern China and helps you understand what that country is about by speaking openly of topics that virtually every other writer keeps taboo In doing so, Xinran both brings China closer and makes it seemstrange For example, anyone can understand the heartb I m a devoted reader of Xinran s books, beginning with The Good Women of China, which transformed the world view of anyone who read it and who cared at all about the world s biggest country Her writing lays out clearly the realities of modern China and helps you understand what that country is about by speaking openly of topics that virtually every other writer keeps taboo In doing so, Xinran both brings China closer and makes it seemstrange For example, anyone can understand the heartbreak of a mother forced to give up a child to adoption because of extreme poverty But a country that puts out a bowl of water for a just delivered mother to drown her female baby in, or to wash her male baby clean That seems horrifying and strange even when you know the reasons, clearly explained by Xinran for the first time in this book It s not just the one child law put in place by the Communists in a failed effort to limit the population It s not just the poverty, and it s not just that in a farming community you need sons to help with the farming And it s not just an ancient patriarchal prejudice It s also that for thousands of years China has had a land inheritance system that favors sons their allotment of land from the government is twice as big, and can be inherited over daughters As a result, if you re a rural family on the brink of poverty, the birth of a daughter means that you ll lose the small allotment of land that you depend on for food, and thus run a very real risk of starvation This is a heartbreaking book, and one that reveals the realities of today s China like few other books do


  8. Lisa Dyer Lisa Dyer says:

    Journalist, women s advocate, and adoption charity director founder, Xinran provides an incredible insight into the stories and insights into the women and their families in China who give up their daughters.Intercountry adoption is a personal interest of mine, and I found this book heartbreaking and an eye opener There are so many reasons why children are abandoned or worse in China Many people immediately turn to the one child policy as a blanket reason There are pressures from family to Journalist, women s advocate, and adoption charity director founder, Xinran provides an incredible insight into the stories and insights into the women and their families in China who give up their daughters.Intercountry adoption is a personal interest of mine, and I found this book heartbreaking and an eye opener There are so many reasons why children are abandoned or worse in China Many people immediately turn to the one child policy as a blanket reason There are pressures from family to bear a son to take care of the family and worship the ancestors, there are also survival needs, with boys being allocated greater land resources for farming The choices that they make must be so difficult and devastating, yet they have also become a cultural, way of life way things are done also.Xinran was also able to document some personal stories from inside the orphanages in China and provide some answers to some questions that prospecitve and adoptive parents ask all the time Why are the controls tightened when there are so many children abandoned What are the conditions like What are the processes Loaded full of information, yet written with compassion and gentleness to the Good Women of China


  9. Louise Louise says:

    Any family thinking about adopting a child from China, MUST read this book It lays out the laws of adoption, gives extremely credible cultural perspective and gives a compassionate voice to and for the many Chinese women who, heartbreakingly, were forced to abandon or place their beloved children in orphanages Xinran does an incredible job at addressing the unimaginable heartache and pain millions of Chinese mothers suffered as they were pressured to abandon their children in the street, leave Any family thinking about adopting a child from China, MUST read this book It lays out the laws of adoption, gives extremely credible cultural perspective and gives a compassionate voice to and for the many Chinese women who, heartbreakingly, were forced to abandon or place their beloved children in orphanages Xinran does an incredible job at addressing the unimaginable heartache and pain millions of Chinese mothers suffered as they were pressured to abandon their children in the street, leave their crying infant on the steps of a run down and inadequate orphanage, and even kill their own child Unfortunately, these are the realities of China and for every mother there who has lost a child, they carry unbelievable and undeniable pain, anguish, torment, and suffering that at times, drives them to commit suicide.This is an emotional book that you MUST read As a non Chinese mother, this incredible book evoked emotions deep into my soul and awakening feelings I didn t even know I had My heart truly goes out to the millions of Chinese mothers and daughters everywhere who don t know each other or who wait to someday to meet again on some plane


  10. Kate Alice Kate Alice says:

    Comprised of the author s affecting interviews with Chinese women who put their daughters up for adoption, this book offers the world a look into the agonizing choices Chinese women face under cultural constraints and the One Child policy, and motherhood What is truly impelling about this book is the author s mission to provide adopted Chinese girls around the world with information on the harrowing conditions their birth mothers may have faced, leading to their adoptions The author s candidn Comprised of the author s affecting interviews with Chinese women who put their daughters up for adoption, this book offers the world a look into the agonizing choices Chinese women face under cultural constraints and the One Child policy, and motherhood What is truly impelling about this book is the author s mission to provide adopted Chinese girls around the world with information on the harrowing conditions their birth mothers may have faced, leading to their adoptions The author s candidness and honesty help readers navigate the realm between cultures, and allows them to consider Western and Chinese points of view For anyone who is considering adoption, has adopted, is interested in Chinese culture, or is working with women or children in any capacity, this book is a must read


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Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love ❰Read❯ ➭ Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love Author Xinran – Buyprobolan50.co.uk Following her internationally bestselling book The Good Women of China, Xinran has written one of the most powerful accounts of the lives of Chinese women Her searing stories of mothers who have been an Unknown PDF ´ Following her internationally bestselling book The Good Women of China, Xinran has written one of the most powerful accounts of the lives of Chinese women Her searing stories of mothers who have been driven to abandon their daughters or give them up Message from ePUB ´ for adoption is a masterful and significant work of literary reportage and oral history Xinran has gained entrance to the most pained, secret chambers in the hearts of Chinese mothers students, successful businesswomen, midwives, peasants who have given up their daughters Whether as from an Unknown ePUB ☆ a consequence of the single child policy, destructive age old traditions, or hideous economic necessity, these women had to give up their daughters for adoption others even had to watch as their baby daughters were taken away at birth and drowned Xinran beautifully portrays the extra birth guerrillas who travel the roads and the railways, evading the system, trying to hold on to than one baby na ve young girl students who have made life wrecking mistakes the pebble mother on the banks of the Yangzte River still looking into the depths for her stolen daughter peasant women rejected by their families because they can t produce a male heir and Little Snow, the orphaned baby fostered by Xinran but confiscated by the state For parents of adopted Chinese children and for the children themselves, this is an indispensable, powerful, and intensely moving book Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother is powered by love and by heartbreak and will stay with readers long after they have turned the final page.

    books Unlimited | New & Used bookstore | Franklin, NC – buyprobolan50.co.uk and oral history Xinran has gained entrance to the most pained, secret chambers in the hearts of Chinese mothers students, successful businesswomen, midwives, peasants who have given up their daughters Whether as from an Unknown ePUB ☆ a consequence of the single child policy, destructive age old traditions, or hideous economic necessity, these women had to give up their daughters for adoption others even had to watch as their baby daughters were taken away at birth and drowned Xinran beautifully portrays the extra birth guerrillas who travel the roads and the railways, evading the system, trying to hold on to than one baby na ve young girl students who have made life wrecking mistakes the pebble mother on the banks of the Yangzte River still looking into the depths for her stolen daughter peasant women rejected by their families because they can t produce a male heir and Little Snow, the orphaned baby fostered by Xinran but confiscated by the state For parents of adopted Chinese children and for the children themselves, this is an indispensable, powerful, and intensely moving book Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother is powered by love and by heartbreak and will stay with readers long after they have turned the final page."/>
  • ebook
  • 272 pages
  • Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love
  • Xinran
  • English
  • 05 March 2019
  • 1451610955

About the Author: Xinran

an Unknown PDF ´ Xue Xinran, who usually writes as simply Xinran , was a radio broadcaster in China before moving to Great Britain and beginning to publish books She currently writes as a columnist.