He Died with a Felafel in His Hand eBook ☆ Died with


He Died with a Felafel in His Hand ❮EPUB❯ ✰ He Died with a Felafel in His Hand Author John Birmingham – Buyprobolan50.co.uk Cult shared housing comedy classic These hilarious tales of urban terror reveal the dark truth hidden behind three seemingly innocent words – a phrase that you have seen a hundred times before but w Cult shared housing comedy classic These hilarious with a Epub ß tales of urban terror reveal the dark truth hidden behind three seemingly innocent words – a phrase that you have seen a hundred times before but will never view in the same light again – WANTED TO SHARE John Birmingham's rendering of a life in share houses will leave you laughing cringing and reminiscing about your own brushes with the mad add residents of flatmate hell.

  • Kindle Edition
  • He Died with a Felafel in His Hand
  • John Birmingham
  • English
  • 14 December 2015

About the Author: John Birmingham

John Birmingham grew up in Ipswich ueensland with a Epub ß and was educated at St Edmunds Christian Brother's College in Ipswich and the University of ueensland in Brisbane His only stint of full time employment was as a researcher at the Defence Department After this he returned to ueensland to study law but he did not complete his legal studies choosing instead to pursue a career as a writer He curren.



10 thoughts on “He Died with a Felafel in His Hand

  1. Scott Scott says:

    I once lived with a man who covered the entire wall of our shared four people bathroom with hard core Dutch pornography I asked him to take it down and he claimed it couldn’t be removed as it was ‘Art’ We had a yelling match that went for thirty minutesIf you’ve ever shared a home with someone a roommate in the US known as a housemate here in Australia you most likely have a horror story like this I hope yours is less gross If you’ve argued over dishes gotten annoyed at your roomie’s parties messy girlfriendboyfriend or inability to make rent on time you will find something you recognize in He Died with a Falafel in his HandDo not read this book if you have a weak stomach if you despair at the depths of sualor that human beings can sink to if stories of passive aggressive post it note battles and weed smoking lassitude get you down Do read it however if you like to laugh out loud and want to go on a journey through what student unemployed and renting life in Australia was like in the 1990sBirmingham takes his readers on a hilarious journey through the many many homes he shared and the many many weird and outrageous people he lived with culminating in the housemate who inspired the book’s name who did indeed die and was found with a falafel also called kebab in some jurisdictions in his handDon’t know how a bucket bong works? Birmingham will show you with diagrams Wonder what it would be like to have someone living in a closet in your home or in a tent in the lounge? Birmingham has done it and you get to enjoy the chaos from a distance Ever left your dirty dishes for so long that you’ve had to drag them out onto the lawn and hose them down? You guessed it Birmingham has and he shows it in all its grotty gloryThis book is a genuine Australian classic In the 90s and early 000s John Birmingham was Australia’s answer to Hunter S Thompson writing scathing biting Antipodean Gonzo with real humor his obituary of the corrupt hillbilly dictator of ueensland Joh Bjelke Peterson is the rawest fiercest example of the form I have ever read He Died with a Falafel in his Hand is hilarious and appalling in eual measure and should be given to anyone thinking of leaving their parent’s house in favor of shared housing in order to ready them for the horrors they about to experienceOne word of warning there are a lot of Australianisms to be found here and a slang app would be useful I read this book in New Zealand and thought the often referenced backyard ‘Hills Hoists’ in the book were devices for removing car engines leaving me with an image of Aussies as a people unreasonably obsessed with car maintenance It was only three years later when I migrated that I learned that a Hills Hoist is a clothesline and that Aussies are uite reasonably obsessed with drying their wet clothes A Hills Hoist clothesline

  2. Joe Joe says:

    great paragraph We all smoked way too much If you took all the shit we smoked in just one year and rolled it into one big joint it would be so much bigger than the biggest joint you have ever seen that you would need to smoke two really big joints just to deal with the concept of its incredible bigness

  3. Ailsa Ailsa says:

    Apart from Scientologists and born again Christians junkies are probably the worst people in the world to live with Even other junkies will tell you thatEveryone seems to be telling their Sydney houseshare horror story so here's mineYoung innocent and off the plane from Perth my boyfriend and I move into our first room off King st The house is an decrepit 3 bedroom terrace no living room with a disgusting bathroom the plastic in the bath is warped and stripped away In our first week there someone stole the yellow bin out back Who steals a rubbish bin?Anyway it's about 11pm our housemate opens our door and we're all ????what's up mate? He doesn't respond Instead he turns around leans against our doorway and pisses into the hall and on our floor then trudges through it to our other housemate's room and falls asleep in his bed Our other housemate and his girlfriend return They find it hysterically funny You've pissed on the floor Brett don't you think that's a bit odd? That doesn't sound like me We were a bit traumatised at that point to laugh On the plus side he bought us a box of favourites the next day as a sorry for pissing in your room gift All in all just a regular Tuesday night for John BirminghamThis book is great One man's tale of living in the cheapest possible lodging in Brisbane Sydney and Melbourne during the 90's Very funny and uintessentially Australian Verandahs and fibro walls abound Birmingham can turn a phrase especially when describing some of the 89 characters he's come across in his 10 yearsLead singer of band The Black Dogs named Lizard Man The Lizard Man was a six foot two love machine who oozed really creepy sex he had this thing about being naked couldn't wait to get his gear off and run his hands up and down his body who John haplessly lets crash at his parents' house My parents and I did speak to each other again Eventually After about two years But we never mention the Lizard ManPaul the uiet journalist Paul was completely unremarkable except for an ability to drink beer and play snooker for three and half days without sleepStudent Melissa We didn't know about the smack when we took her in didn't actually figure it out until long after she'd left and we had to clean out her room At first we thought all the bent spoons came from too many tubs of frozen Homer Hudson but the 1mL syringes with the bright orange caps sealed the dealNo Sydney house saga is ever complete without the cockroachesThe cockroaches lived behind the hot water system in the kitchen you'd switch the light out get the Glen 20 and wait When you could hear them you'd flick on the light hold a cigarette lighter up to the spray can and flame the roaches off the wall It was a lot easier than actually spraying which didn't really work anyway

  4. Kevin Klehr Kevin Klehr says:

    I read this many years ago when John Birmingham wrote it while still writing articles for the Rolling Stone I thinkIt's the embellished account of thirteen share households he actually lived in across major Australian cities during the 1980s Very funny It's easy to relate to as you recognise the personality types that you may have met or lived with back in the dayThere was a movie version made of this but I don't recommend the film There is no real plot in the book which makes it a fascinating collection of anecdotes In the movie they developed a plot which for me weakens the charm of the original novelYes I know movies should have plots but I think you could have got away with not having one for this story The first share house in the movie which is closer to the bookno plot works like a charm After that not so intriguing

  5. David Sarkies David Sarkies says:

    Sharehousing in Australia13 December 2012 John Birmingham wrote so much better when he was writing gonzo journalism rather than the sci fi books that he seems to have written of late but then again he seems to sell books and the books that he did write early on pretty much set him up to the point where he could pretty much write what he wanted to so I guess power to him Anyway while I do not know what the experience of share housing is in England and I understand that there is a lot of it there the feel of this book is that it is distinctly Australian and having been in a number of sharehouses myself I can seriously relate to what he is describing here though I must admit he has probably embellished the stories somewhat but then again why let the truth get in the way of a good yarn? I guess I should do what others have done when commenting on this book and that is talk about some of my sharehousing experiences and I must admit that I have had a lot The average time that I have spent in a sharehouse is usually about six months though there have been a couple where I have lasted about two years though one of them had a somewhat itinerant population and the shortest would probably have been about two weeks Okay I guess one may need to define the idea of a sharehouse as being one where you are sharing with than one other person though sometimes the actually definition of a person living in a house can be rather dubious One house we had was originally intended for two of us but as soon as my housemate picked up a girl he always had to have a girlfriend she immediately moved in and then another guy decided to camp in the lounge and within two days he had brought another friend around as well Mind you this particular house lasted two weeks before the police kicked in the door and arrested the lot of us Then there were the Findon Flats a collection of about two hundred flats were while there were only two of us living in the flat the entire place was like one community there were always people coming and going Mind you one of my friends was a small time drug dealer so that is probably why there were always people coming and going One of the cool things about living there was that people would come in hang for about half an hour smoke some weed and then leave However the problem with living with drug dealers is that once somebody hooks onto you as a drug dealer they suddenly become freuent visitors Oh and the fact that your flat also becomes a target for thieves seems to outweigh the benefit of getting free drugs I also lived in what is pretty much termed as a party house It was a large two story six bedroom house in one of the wealthier parts of Adelaide with a pool and a spa The problem with the spa was that it always broke down However we actually had ten people sueezed into that house at one time which made using the rather small kitchen an absolute pain However that house brings back lots of memories including the parties which wouldn't be a party unless the cops rocked up at least once and usually multiple times I still remember the time that my mate and I decided to cook some pasta using dope butter and suddenly having the sensation of being stoned hit us so hard that we were literally flat on our back for hours That house came to an end because the landlord simply could not get anybody into the house and I was too much of a stoner read lazy and paranoid to actually attempt to get others to move into the place We did finish my time in that house with the mother all all parties which only came to an end when my friend almost killed himself by flaking out on a concrete step That friendship circle also came to an end pretty uickly also since the mother of all hangovers literally turned us all against each other Hey I'm still sharehousing this time in Melbourne and I do desire to try to keep the tradition of it by not staying in the house for too long Okay now that I am 700 km away from my parents I do not have the luxury of running back to their house when things go wrong and moving can be a pain At least I have learnt from my mistakes and can at least prepare myself to consider moving on before things get too bad However the problem is that I have found a good church within walking distance though nothing is ever that permanent and since Paul the Apostle never really set his roots down anywhere for too long I don't think I need to either

  6. Little Miss Esoteric Little Miss Esoteric says:

    'He Died With A Felafel In His Hand' is hilarious and so spot on As an art school student I lived and slept in various group houses in ueensland They were fun years although a bit hazy I'm sure I know some of the people in this book and a great many of the cockroaches

  7. Mark Farley Mark Farley says:

    I've been in the fortunate position for most of my life not to have dealt with anything like the flathousemate problems and eccentricities in 'He Died with a Falafel in His Hand' having always lived with some sort of female partner since my very early 20s That was until a year ago when I moved back to Brighton on the south coast of England and moved into a shared flat sight unseen as I had moved the length of the country specially with well I shan't name her Let's just call her 'miserable catholic lesbian troll' or OK to make this easier I will refer to her as A Now A and I pretty much got off on the wrong foot straight away when I arrived at the flat with the landlord I was in the process of bringing in my suitcases while he watched me struggle and even before I had taken my coat off she appeared from her room and announced that I was my turn to contribute to the gas and electric keys and that I should do that straight away Unpacked I did just that and everything was ok at the beginning and she was pleasant enough going forward from there but gradually I could tell that there was something wrong with the dynamic of the building and specifically between her and the other two guys living there Immediately she made it very well apparent that she disapproved of them both and began to tell tales on them before I had even met them myself Then she one night she told me of the previous tenants and how each of them had left after seemingly some sort of issue with her including one guy who tried to poison her food Great I thought She's one of them Difficult and unforgiving As far as I could tell A had no friends She didn't work She never went out apart from church on a Sunday and had no apparent visitors Not that we could answer the door if we had any visitors or mail to answer the door to as the building had no doorbells to each flats and sure enough the other two guys left one after the other Her main problem with one guy was that the temperature and heating controls were in his room and he kept turning them off while she insisted on having the heating on all the time 24 7 and all at the same time complaining that we not her were using too much gas She also insisted that the lights in the only communal parts of the flat a hallway a bathroom and kitchen were to be kept on all the time Even in the middle of the day when it was bright and sunnyPretty much she made this atmosphere of tension so bad even when she had other room mates move in It didn't matter who it was she would find fault with them and do tiny little annoying things to wind you up as much as she could in order to cause conflict As I had pre empted this uite early on I did my best to avoid A as much as possible but even I became housemate non grata Of the contributions which were kept on a list in the hallway she added another list highlighting the amounts we had contributed over most of the year and of course hers was the most but she included what she had paid for six months before I had even moved in When I highlighted this and that I had paid as much as her over the amount of time that we had lived together she went ballistic I made it clear that I didn't care what she thought which probably made things worse but she had no right to inflate her position Then things started to go missing from the kitchen One day all the teaspoons went then a couple of flat metal trays I bought to put things in the oven on then all the knives went Which may sound petty and silly but its hard to butter toast with a fork Try it Then the toaster vanished one day The kettle the next Each time I tried my hardest to let everything slide because I knew she was doing her very best to get a reaction I was starting to feel sympathy for the guy who tried to poison her A couple of us asked her about the toaster and the kettle and even though they are on the inventory as part of the furnishings she insisted they were hers and said that she would rather have them in her room It was spiteful She made the mistake of taking a small porcelain cereal bowl that a new housemate had brought with him She just thought 'oh my candles would look nice in that' and when said housemate couldn't find it he flipped out We had already talked about the fact A was doing all this to create conflict and make everyone leave like everyone else before us and that essentially I thought she wouldn't be happy unless she had the whole place to herself When she was confronted about Bowlgate she completely denied taking it When the housemate disappeared she finally admitted to me that she had taken it and when I said that she should return it she said that she had gotten rid of it instead in order to stop all the arguments Because that was the best thing to do Anyway Bowlgate died down things went uiet for a while when the bowl owner met someone and stayed round her place for the majority of the time One night I came across A in the kitchen and she seemed a little spaced out She was either drunk or high I couldn't say and proceeded uninvited to tell me a very lengthy story about how she was drugged kidnapped and raped by a very famous couple When I pried for essential details and ueried the many holes in her story she had none and just wanted to have some listen to her babble on a lot of it incoherent bullshit The next morning she looked a bit worse for wear and I asked her if she was ok She then went into tears about her ipad and that she couldn't afford to get the bus into town to fix it I had a look at it and it looked like it had died I said walk into town with me I'm going but she wouldn't what with her being lazy and fat To be fair its a good two hour walk but I don't care She cried further and I ended up giving her money for a bus travelcard reminding her that I was doing this out of the goodness of my heart after she hadn't been very nice to me or anyone else generally Anyway things went uiet for a few weeks until I heard a 2am knocking on my door I ignored it and heard the door to A's room slam Early the next morning I heard her shout HACKER SCUM from the kitchen I was watching Eastenders through my headphones as one of the other guys was working nights and had gone to bed not that this bothered A so I ignored it Twenty minutes later there was shouting and I went to see what the commotion was she ran back to her room when she saw me and slammed the door I knocked and asked she was ok and the door flew open and she got right in my face accusing me of hacking into her tablet from my computer like I knew how to do that and that I was scum and that she was after me I tried to placate her but she just kept on I told her that in no uncertain terms that she was batshit crazy and that she can fuck off Now I would love to have a happy ending to this storyexperience but I don't Because I'm still here and that was only last week Ideally I would be elsewhere but for the moment I am tied in and stuck financially But hey she's been a bit uiet the last few days We shall see

  8. Steve Steve says:

    This book is hilarious laugh out loud funny I used to read this while on my way to work on the tram and got some very strange looks from my fellow passengers because of my laughter It's ok they probably just thought I was one of those mental cases John Birmingham has lived with such people and here he tells us about them We have stories about housemates who come home drunk and piss in the fridge housemates who get into screaming arguments over which cupboard shelf the can of pineapple chunks should go on and housemates who never really move in but actually steal all of your things in the night and disappear If you've done the share house thing as I did for years you will love this If you haven't done it first of all get a life go back to your parent's country club and read this anyway You should still find it funny

  9. Brenda Brenda says:

    I'm afraid I didn't enjoy this book at all It was loaned to me by my son he loved it also his wife And the many others who have reviewed it positively But it's just not my sort of story

  10. Roxerg Roxerg says:

    still can't tell if this is humorous or horrific

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