Here Comes the Bride Women Weddings and the Marriage

Here Comes the Bride Women Weddings and the Marriage Mystiue [PDF] ❤ Here Comes the Bride Women Weddings and the Marriage Mystiue ⚣ Jaclyn Geller – In Here Comes the Bride Jaclyn Geller exposes the social forces that shape how people feel about weddings calling into uestion some of the deepest held beliefs about this tradition Divided into three the Bride PDF/EPUB ¼ In Here Comes the Bride Jaclyn Geller exposes the social forces that shape how people feel about weddings calling into uestion some of the deepest held beliefs about this tradition Divided into three sections the Comes the Bride Women Weddings Kindle - book begins with how to get your man manuals and ends with the newlywed year First there’s “Courtship and the Marriage uest” Geller looks at the absurd nature of proposals the inane practice of engagement and gift giving and the bizarre rules governing the wedding dress In part two “The Big Day” she deals with the specifics of the wedding itself There Here Comes eBook ´ are place cards and table settings rigid photo ops vows toasts garter belts and daddy dances What do these highly scripted procedures say about this most treasured ritual Finally the author explores some of marriage’s deeper implications in “Living in the Plural” the strangely isolating honeymoon and the establishment of marital identity that begins with a simple thank you note.

  • Paperback
  • 428 pages
  • Here Comes the Bride Women Weddings and the Marriage Mystiue
  • Jaclyn Geller
  • English
  • 14 July 2016
  • 9781568581934

10 thoughts on “Here Comes the Bride Women Weddings and the Marriage Mystiue

  1. Beth Beth says:

    Before I read this book marriage as an institution had always seemed wrong to me somehow This book put that feeling into sociological terms It is thanks for the most part to this incredible work of non fiction that I think the way I do now about weddings marriage husbands and wives and families Gellar does the thankless work of debunking a much loved social institution and she does so smartly intelligently and entertainingly This will be a difficult book for many people and I imagine many people will reject it immediately In my mind the fact that so many will react violently to it is proof of the power of what it says

  2. Lobstergirl Lobstergirl says:

    Jaclyn Geller's view is that no matter how modern or individualistic a wedding ceremony its accoutrements or the couple it is impossible to escape the patriarchal origins of all wedding rituals or of marriage itself Modern brides and grooms are merely fooling themselves if they think they are departing from these historical strictures Her book is a manifesto and she often lapses into rhetorical overkill In the wealthier communities such as ours Scarsdale NY the young wife resembled a glamorous anesthetized doll Her hope is to dissuade many would be wives from draping themselves in white and walking down the aisle She insists We must stop repeating the absurd mantra it's okay to be single and adopt the aggressive stance that it's not okay to be married Women should become willing to relinuish the privileged role of bride and assume the dignified role of friendThe book operates on the premise that women are desperate for marriage while men are afraid of commitment Her sources for this are largely popular women's magazines with their expert romance and relationship advice and celebrity testimonials and romantic comedies Well of course The capitalistic enterprises that depend on brides' grooms' and parents' money to rake in profits are going to relentlessly espouse a worldview that pressures people to marry to spend lots of money on weddings showers honeymoons and associated merchandise and to instill a fear of empty bleak spinsterish futures for women who remain single From the evidence I've seen though her premise that women want marriage much than men is unconvincing Most men I know want or have or wanted and obtained a secure domestic living arrangement to include a wife and almost always children This isn't to say that the marriages of these same men all last or that the men and women in them never cheat But the notion that men have to be dragged kicking and screaming into marriage seems fairly inaccurate Even when relationships fail marriage is something men aspire to just as much as womenCertainly her position is extreme but that's all right It's okay to uestion the enterprise of marriage I think it's useful to acknowledge that some of the desire to be married stems from the fact that we live in a conjugally organized society that panders to couples and that in such an environment being in a couple is the easiest way to live I appreciated that Geller has written a fluid reasonably interesting easily readable book Where it dropped from a 3 star to a 2 star read for me was all the typos Legions of typos Ridiculous typos many that would have been caught by a simple spellcheck At some point this many typos becomes a distraction preventing a reader from fully absorbing the text because she's waiting for the next typo to pop up There were missing periods and uotation marks Apostrophes in the wrong place Inexcusable pronoun abuse from an English professor In the hopes that Geller will read this review and be ashamed some of her misspellings marraigepligrimmageself congratualtoryde riguer for de rigueurbevvy for bevypsuedo for pseudoprincipal for principledesert for dessertcaeser for caesarAmelia Earheart for Amelia EarhartLatitia Baldridge for Letitia BaldrigeKelsey Grammar for Kelsey GrammerSally Bedel Smith for Sally Bedell Smith

  3. HeavyReader HeavyReader says:

    This book is awesomeThe author breaks down the institution of marriage and shows it for the oppressive institution it is She does so by taking to task the wedding industry critiuing every thing from buying the dress to getting the reception catered I don't even know how to say how fantastic and important this book is Please read it

  4. Kate Ditzler Kate Ditzler says:

    This book is hard to read One it's hard to accept the thesis that Marriage is inherently ineuitable when our society puts so much of the worth of women on their marital status Two the structure of the book is not in the traditional academic Thesis Evidence Conclusion model but rather keeps meandering back to its point so the reader is forced to keep everything togetherThe essential argument of the book is that marriage is an ineuitable institution not just for women but for the whole of society First because all heterosexual romances have a teleology Marriage And if a relationship cannot end in marriage then it is not a relationship worth having This is an attitude which is often transfered to homosocial ie relationships with people similar to you esp gender relationships also Ally McBeal lamented her lack of a relationship while she was talking to her best friend with whom she had a very close emotional relationship withOne thing that I have taken from this book is that I will no longer call my friends single uote To say that one is 'single' is to define oneself through absence to concede that one is lacking to conjure up images of a lone fragmentary existence This has been the stigma attached to unmarried women throughout western history 64 I think this is true and also entirely unfair to women So friends you are no longer single You areI think she's also right that the proposal scene dramatizes masculinity and that women tend to be somehow redeemed by a proposal The man proves he can provide by the gift of an expensive ring and the woman's family rejoices as they are soon to be no longer responsible for her economic well being And then the whole etiuette behind getting a blessingpermission from the parents or even just making sure they know that the engagement has happened first smacks of the financial transactions that marriage once was in the Western world with dowries and bride pricesShe has a really interesting section where the author talks about how she would meet people she only vaguely knew from college who would stick out their left hands and pronounce their engagement At first she would feign delight And then she would begin to ask why The majority of answers were Commitment or Wanting to have children though one woman was completely honest and said that she wanted sex and she wanted it regularly and she didn't want to have to go to the bar or club to find it and thus the State would recognize her sexual relationshipsWeddings she writes transforms that which began privately into a public spectacle a binge of self congratulations that actually cheapens the sentiment between two people It is worth remembering that this popular ritual is not the only way that a man and a woman can convey their feelings to each other expressing hope for a long term friendship although it has conventionally been so 124The author has major issues with the way that family is constructed in modern suburban America The home is seen as a fortress which protects the man from the demands of his job and the big bad world The wife expects him home after work expects him to spend time with her at the expense of all of his other friends and to abide by a moral code of her choosing Marriage is very isolating for men as they are expected to have no other friends besides their wives Marriage puts one heterosexual relationship on a pedestal above all others and reuires you to subordinate your relationship with your family your family of choice and everyone else

  5. Lynn Lynn says:

    My main issue with this book is that it's preaching to the choir I think 99% of the people reading this book are people who have already eschewed the institution of marriage I think the book would have been strengthened considerably by including responses by intelligent women who have chosen to get married despite knowing the information in this book That is the population I am most curious about not the I have dreamed of my wedding since I was 7 years old population Geller hardly recognizes the existence of these women but they constitute a huge proportion of women getting marriedWhile I thought the content of the book was interesting I thought the writing was terrible It reads like an undergraduate thesis where the author threw in every piece of research she could find For example there are numerous lengthy scene by scene movie descriptions Also Geller engages in hokie gimmicks like starting a wedding registry for 1 day or trying on a wedding dress in an effort to feel what it's like to get swept up in the wedding hysteria I don't believe that constitutes valid ethnography which is why the author seemed to be suggesting

  6. Wanda Wanda says:

    This book is hilarious and well written Geller has done a lot of research to expose the ineuality and injustices against women in which marriage has its origins and makes the argument that it discourages other types of social bonds It will make you think twice if you ever thought of getting married

  7. Nut Meg Nut Meg says:

    Although incredibly flawed I think this is still worth reading There are few serious critiues of marriage as an institution and the hoopla that accompanies the wedding itself making this valuable if only for the dearth of literature on the subject Although Geller isn't especially persuasive as she argues that society abandon marriage en mass she does make several valid points worthy of consideration For example she suggests that all people deserve the protections marriage offers and that providing those privileges only to committed amorous couples amounts to discrimination against those who for whatever reason do not pursue such relationships Additionally she notes that the celebration and gifts conferred on engaged couplesnewlyweds rewards monogamous romantic relationships effectively punishing those who do not or cannot do the same Although I think she comes to the wrong conclusion by suggesting the solution to these problems is the elimination of marriage her criticisms are still validThat being said there is a lot of dead wood in this volume I suspect that Geller may have been reuired to reach a particular page count given the amount of text dedicated to detailing celebrity wedding ceremonies in excruciating detail not to mention the extended descriptions of various types of wedding invitations and puff pieces celebrating celebrity marriages She has a tendency to take an idea and beat it to death several times over leaving the reader both bored and annoyed She probably could have made her argument effectively in half as many pages so if you're as determined as I was to read through to the end I recommend skimming as soon as the descriptions start getting repetitive It would have been far better if she had beefed up her discussion of the consumerism inherent in many wedding traditions or criticism of the wedding industry itself both of which are given less attention than they deserve Also having been published in 2001 much of the text is uite dated Many of the pop culture references such as detailed discussion of the Ally McBeal show and the film American Beauty have long since ceased to be relevant However there is a certain entertainment value in reading extensive descriptions of celebrity marriages that the modern reader knows ended in divorce court Additionally having been written long before the marriage euality movement had gained any steam all of her discussions of marriage describe it in terms of heterosexual couples Although she does acknowledge same sex relationships she does so primarily to note that they were being denied the privileges open to heterosexuals at the time However rather than suggesting this be remedied by extending marriage to same sex couples as well she instead argues that the institution be done away with entirely While Geller fails to make a persuasive argument for the end of marriage as a whole it's still refreshing to hear a critiue of an institution that has become increasingly and perhaps undeservedly sacrosanct in recent years That being said I think only the already skeptical will be even remotely receptive to her ideas

  8. Caitlin Caitlin says:

    I enjoyed reading the historical and patriarchal ties to certain wedding traditions But I disagree with Geller's strong 2nd wave feminist notion that getting marriedhaving a wedding only perpetuates the strength of the patriarchy She would point out how one aspect of the wedding is wrong and then attack the opposite There seemed to be no alternatives presented other than not marrying at all

  9. Margot Margot says:

    If you're looking for a scathing indictment of the institution of marriage in the US look no furtherI made it to page 299 but then I started reading another wedding cultural history book and just sort of abandoned this one One day I looked at it on the shelf and thought Hmmm I guess I'm done with that one Although I agree with many of the points that Geller makes about our cult of worship surrounding coupledom and marriage and her arguments are well researched and referenced I found myself exhausted by her style The method of her argument was repetitive and eventually felt circular I was also put off by the global generalizations she makes to our society when she is specifically referring to American or British history I prefer a clearly defined scope Includes plentiful examples of the myriad ways women have been dominated oppressed and made invisible by the institution of marriage in the Western world Brings a whole new meaning to the idea of wedlock And I can't believe that I didn't know the term coverture until I read this book thanks for the education Geller There are many many read out loud sections that astonished me I won't lieHere are some passages I markedIn his 1765 Commentaries on the Laws of England the jurist William Blackstone codified preexisting regulations with the definition of coverture 'By marriage the husband and wife are one person in law that is the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage or at least incorporated and consolidated into that of her husband under whose wing protection and cover she performs everything' 24 25In eighteenth century England a husband who killed his wife was tried for murder punishable by hanging while a wife who killed her husband was tried for 'petite treason' a crime punishable by drawing and burning alive 25In conversation some have observed that I judge the institution of marriage and thereby indict the woman whose personal taste or private inclination leads her to marry This is true Although it is not cost free easy or safe although it is not smooth and conciliatory as is the 'to each her own' doctrine judgment is the right and the obligation of every thinking person I deviate from popular rhetoric in my belief that not all choices are 'valid' merely because sane individuals make them I believe that marriage is destructive because it perpetuates negative hierarchical divisions such as the celebration of wives and the accompanying denigration of spinsters the artificial distinction between good sexually monogamous and bad sexually experimental girls the exaltation of conjugal love over platonic friendship and the privileging of institutionalized togetherness over solitude Wedlock is tainted by the historical residue of female subordination; an overwhelming oppressive social history that many modern brides and grooms are simply not aware of I think that each woman who pursues marital commitment and dons a diamond engagement ring and then a white lace dress believing that she is operating from a personal spontaneous or romantic impulse should reflect closely on her own behavior 70 71When we as woman summon the courage to step out of romantic patriarchy's cave and view wedlock in the illuminating light of historical fact we can begin to perceive the difference between experience and social prescription We can cast off oppressive definitions and view ourselves as neither wives nor old maids neither married nor 'single' And we can discover our own potential in new ways as we emerge from our gender's adolescence 129There is something admirable about the older generation's desire to help the younger generation get a start in life These generous impulses are expansive than the consumerist vision of domestic bliss offered by a store like Bloomingdale's But reserving this kind of substantive support for couples is deeply problematic All women all people deserve it or no one doesThe idea of offering ritualized celebration and support to all adults regardless of their sexual preference or romantic status seems impossible contrived absurd But this is only because the notion of wedlock as an unassailable truth is so deeply embedded in our consciousness It is important to remember that marriage like institutionalized male dominance itself is not natural timeless or ahistorical but that it is codified in a specific time 6000 600 BCE in the near east 162

  10. Lesley Lesley says:

    I read this one a while ago and found it fairly interesting in terms of the history of marriage presented etc but the author's overwhelming attitude of don't get married is off putting Rather than just critiuing the traditional meaning and philosophies behind marriage as well as the overblown way expensive extreme wedding weddings of today Geller rants that there's no good reason for marriage EverI read an interview with Ms Geller that appeared before the book was published and she seems to take an extreme position on a lot of things And I uote Ms is like a fashion magazine now added Ms Geller It's got pictures of rock stars and glamour girls I'm not sure what issue of Ms Magazine she was referring to but I certainly don't remember seeing that one Conclusion Worthwhile for anyone interested in the topic but wear your bitter blinders as you read

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